Smile! :-) (18/08/08)

Finally I sought You –

came and knelt at Your feet;

wearied from seeking lesser things first,

putting You off,

trying in vain to deal with my heart.

Bowed in shame,

eyes full of tears –

yet

something in Your voice gave me courage

to lift my eyes –

I saw You smiling at me, with tears in Your eyes!

I did not expect that!

All this time I thought You were angry –

yet –

You were wanting me to come to You!

Why did I wait so long, when You were wanting me to come?

Of course –

it is You Who are Love – Unconditional Love;

You are my Home –

O help me remember;

for I never want to leave this place again.

You can do it!

I had a bit of a revelation yesterday, thinking on John 4 v 35:

“My food,” said Jesus, “is to do the will of Him Who sent Me and to finish His work.”

It made me realise how wrong it is to have the attitude that we’ll never achieve what God wants, that what He asks of us in witnessing of Him and making disciples of all nations, is too much, a task that is exhausting and overwhelming.  No way!  (How many lies we can believe about God eh?)  God has a specific work designed for each one of us, that will be “food” to us – we’ll love it!!  And – we can complete it!!  Each one of us, as we partner with Him!

Ephesians 2v10 :

“For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”

And it’s not like they’re works we do on our own ‘for’ God:

Philippians 2v13 : “for it is God Who works in you to will and to act according to His good purpose.”

What a tremendously huge privilege to be given the responsibility of partnering with God in bringing Heaven to Earth!

‘God always directs a moving vehicle’ (quote – Paul Maconochie – great insights on this!) He’s already given us the command to go into all the earth and share the good news with everyone, so the specifics of our work come ‘as we go’ day by day!

Then we can say, like Jesus:

“It is finished” (John 19 v 30) –

and with Paul:

2 Timothy 4v7: “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.”

Labels (06/10/10)

No

I will tear the labels from my heart –

all the harsh words,

heard,

spoken,

imagined

and felt,

that bombard and shout, cut and twist, confuse and accuse

over and over.

No.

I choose to take my heart into Your safety;

to hide and envelope it in Your words;

to nestle deep, deep into Your secure embrace

and hear my Father’s heart.

I receive Your kisses, our heads so close, I can pour out my heart,

confide in You,

let down my defenses, admit my weaknesses

cry my tears, and let it all go…

let all the guilt and self hatred poison

and every word-wound, and every regret

be washed away

in the flood of Your love.

Your loving arms hold me

as You melt my hard heart

with pure, clear, crystal water,

Gift of the One Who wipes away each tear.

I am gently, thoroughly, cleansed –

then wrapped up warm and cuddled safe,

the gap in my heart

filled to overflowing

with wonderful words

from You

to me.

Mercy to the chief of sinners

I had an incredible experience in 2007, where I was bought face to face with God (in a vision) – I saw Jesus so clearly, standing in the doorway of heaven, radiant with light – my whole being screamed out to be with Him, because I saw so clearly Who He is – that He IS love – His holiness, His utter goodness, were so beautiful, and I knew that the purpose of life was to know Him.

But I was cut off, there was a void between us that I knew I could not cross, and the agony of distance from Him, of being cut off from His Presence, hit home with all horrific, sickening force.  As I saw Him as He was, so I was able to see myself as I was, in relation to Him I saw His goodness, and I saw my badness.  I saw myself as Cinderella (from the Disney film!) as she stands in disbelief and despair, holding her ruined ball-dress that her sisters have just wrecked, knowing full well that she was absolutely incapable of entering the palace and going to the ball.

As I thought my heart would break, I saw Jesus step out of heaven and come down, and across the void between us that I could not cross – until He stood before me.  I felt (literally) a wave of love from Him flood all over me; I couldn’t believe it, He loved me as I was, loved me in my filthy state – and then I felt, like dirt being lifted, Him take all the trash that I was so conscious of, so utterly conscious and ashamed of in His Presence, but that I had no way to remove – onto Himself.

Next He took me – my whole self, and laid me in His arms, sheltering me.

Then I saw, the punishment for all that trash, the destruction it deserved, falling like fire, the anger of the Holy God in heaven, falling to burn up all that was so filthy, so against His nature.  But it fell on Jesus.  I felt (I couldn’t walk, I was supported by two people), the weight of the crossbar of the cross, but more than that, the weight of all the guilt, the shame; a crushing, heartbreaking weight.  I saw and heard the mocking and the hatred and the anger of the people around the cross.  But the punishment I deserved, He took for me.  And He died.

And as I was held, sheltered and safe in His arms, as He took that punishment for me, and all that filth was destroyed, I died too.

And then I saw – Jesus, alive and glorious, on the other side of death – radiant like He was before!!  And I saw, and felt, myself, shining and bright, alive with a new kind of life coming from His life, full of joy and peace, sustained by His love, and never, never to be separated.

I can’t properly put it into words; all I know is that when we come into contact with God’s glory, and get a glimpse of what He is really like, we see ourselves as we truly are – there is no hiding, no avoiding.  It is there that we know are not good enough to be near God, and none of our efforts can change us.  And it is there, in that place of despair, that He meets us, and saves us Himself – and we are changed forever:

“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.”       (John 3 v 16)

Praise God!!

Fragrance (17/06/09)

The indescribable sweetness of Your Presence
pierces my very soul;
Your goodness surrounds and saturates me like fragrance.
You satisfy my soul completely Lord Jesus!
I long for You, to know You more and more –
nothing compares with the joy of knowing You!

You shine Your light in my eyes –
You are radiant, and You illuminate my path.
You energise my soul – I rise on eagle’s wings to follow You –
when I am knocked down You make me rise up ten times stronger!
The hope You give bubbles forth;
Your songs well up from the depths of me.

I dance with You in Your perfect love –
in You is utter freedom;
the peace You give is security and rest in my soul.
In Your holiness I bow down, lift my hands and worship You,
Awesome God, Abba, Father!

We were made to know and worship You!
Your songs are with me day and night;
how I love You Lord Jesus!
How majestic is Your Name!

The Giver and the gift (18/08/08)

Thank You Father for caring enough
to tell me only what I need to know –
no more, no less;
Thank You for Your wisdom
which prompts and guides;
Your hand which stays me
and helps me wait
when the answer is
“Not yet.”

Hope of the hopeless,
Help of the helpless,
help me to seek You first, the Giver,
and trust You for the gift –
You will only give what is good,
and You are the Safe-Keeper of
the desires of my heart.

Treasure (18/08/08)

God is doing a deep work in me;
I can feel His faithful hands
stir the embers of my heart.
All the dross He will consume,
all the gold He will refine –
for all gold will be
tested, purified by fire.

As it is deep in the earth,
out of the momentous shifting and burning,
there will one day come precious stones;
this is how treasure is made;
The Master’s skillful, patient process,
worked through the long years of time,
until only the treasure remains.

Useful to Him,
worthy to be in His hand,
sparkling like a diadem;
this the result of the faithful love
that cares deeply enough to form a jewel
out of the dust of the earth.

Heaven (18/08/08)

(Partly inspired by the bit in The Voyage of the Dawn Treader (from the Chronicles of Narnia by C. S. Lewis) where Reepicheep can see the mountain peaks of Aslan’s country, and then enters it over the wave…also partly by Hannah Hurnard’s reflection that the journey to the ‘mountains’ always leads through the desert):

I will take God’s proffered hand
and walk with Him through desert lands;
and the mountains, which I long for,
will grow closer every day.

Snow white peaks on the horizon
bathed in sunlight, draw my heart,
journey’s end, and its beginning –
to this good land God is leading.

Home; His land – my heart is yearning;
deep within I feel it burning,
His precious voice within me speaking
draws me to Him evermore.

Make-up

Make-up may be a mask

covering wounds

that sink beyond skin deep,

expressions of grief or pain or anger

chaos unfiltered, unchallenged, unfought,

time wasted

mind numbed.

So please don’t tell me how well I’m doing

just because of how well I’m looking…

what if all you’re seeing is masking

hours of self-destruction?

Please

bear with me

when I fear the knowledge and pressure

of being conspicuous, masked or unmasked –

that I cannot be invisible.

Make-up is only the jewel on the crown

serving to bring out the beauty

that was always there.

It’s nothing more –

beauty is no key to how a soul is faring;

maybe a covering, not a key;

so please don’t stare

and please don’t take –

my appearance

is on the outside…

of me.

Please help me instead

to walk this journey,

and not to sink in the valley of shadows.

But to learn, to learn to hear Him

and to heed His gentle voice,

that teaches me His touch is tender

and He’s already paid for all the shame.

My wounds I see upon His body

Permanent testament of His love to me…

oh!  Deep sobs from deep heart places

I’ll let Him hold me

let Him teach me

how to love myself.

Dancing

When I am aware of God’s Presence,

I am utterly captivated…

He is truly, truly the most beautiful Person you will ever meet ;

when I encounter Him, I don’t want anything in the whole world other than to know Him more, to stay in fellowship with Him and to be like Him –

my words just cannot ever express what He is like…

my heart can’t contain the overwhelming volcano of joy that rises up…

I will burst if I don’t allow every part of myself to be consumed by the sheer enjoyment of loving Him and receiving His love…

so I dance

and I feel His pleasure 🙂